Yesterday afternoon, I did the unthinkable. i finally stepped foot into HEB, with my two kiddos, and bought my weekly groceries. I know, i know, thanks for the applause. Coming from my son, Henry, telling everyone i’m afraid of HEB to taking it on with two kids in the basket calls for a celebration. It’s the “Little” things, I guess.
Though it might seem silly to some, I believe that god was with me in HEB.
I suffer from a *few* mental health disorders, one being panic disorder. the fact that i did not even begin to shake is proof enough for me that the lord was there, holding my hand. the aisles of heb can be overwhelming. with ten people coming down the asile at once, the thousands of products stacked on the shelves, and the loud music in the background. i must admit, i did get overwhelmed at times, yet, there was a sense of calm around me that i have never experienced before.
ever since i began to dive into my bible, there has been a NOTICEABLE shift in my life, my thinking, and my health. no longer am i bound to sadness, anxiety, or ocd tendencies. i hunger to read on to the next page in my bible. i enjoy the things that i love once again. i pray that this newness stays with me.
life is not without hardship, i know. however, i have learned to lean into the lord. through it all, through the loss, i will always have him. no matter what. he is my rock and my constant. i want to bask in the sun of this feeling and this change of heart.
when i wake up in the morning, worship songs have been playing in my head. as i shower, i am humming ‘king of kings’. life is new for me.
God, stay with me. you are the god that new fails and never changes. keep me in your hands. even the simple handhold in heb has changed my life and you know that feeling i have in my heart right now because of it. only you can heal me and take away my daily pains. only you are capable of making me new. i want to continue to be in your presence, lord. be with my husband and my children and make them feel this new feeling that i have in my heart. i want to share this for it is too good to keep to myself. i love you, lord. amen.
as i go into this day ahead of me, i want to continue on the path that i am currently on. i want to plant flowers with casey, color with henry, and have deep conversations with kevin tonight. i want to dive into the rest of exodus when its bible time. (moses – what a guy!)
maybe i will check back in with a garden update. until then, god be with you.
b
Flour & Flowers 
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